I know that a few of you will be surprised but I rarely get chatted up. Some suggest I am intimidating, which is frustrating because I am very friendly.
I make a real effort when I go out, but then I don’t even get a look in. I have to say I don’t go out ‘on the pull’ but it would be nice to sometimes get chatted up.
I think men forget that us women aren’t as shallow, and assume I only want to meet attractive guys. Yes attractive men will draw my eye, but more often than not I wouldn’t touch them with a bargepole as I think many are cocky big heads and I wouldn’t trust them as far as I can throw them…. maybe that’s what guys think of me :-/
For example I went out with my sister the other week (who is absolutely gorgeous but we look nothing a like). She was very drunk but had loads of guys trying to chat her up. I was keeping an eye on her but couldn’t even get a look in. It’s quite disheartening, especially when I make such an effort.
I once chatted to a guy I really liked from my home town that I quite fancied. The first time I met him I was in jeans (as I hadn’t planned to go out) and the second time I was really dressed up, he said he preferred me in jeans… maybe I’m less intimidating in jeans?
Thing is I don’t get out much (how sad does that sound? Lol) so when I do I like to really make the effort. I don’t wear a lot of make up, but I am preened to perfection, and maybe that scares people.
The only guys that have the balls to talk to me are the drunken idiots who are looking for sex, so I turn them down and they move straight onto the next.
I really don’t care what someone looks like, old, young, fat or thin. The only thing someone has to have is personality and character and the ability to make me laugh and not be obviously drunk as that for me is one of the biggest turn offs. Another turn off is someone saying, “are you Bea?” (not appropriate!).
I am not interested in guys that are out on the pull and will make do with any bird, so I have to feel that this isn’t the case if I do get chatted up, and I also have to feel that I am fancied but that I’m seen as more than a sex object - I’m seen as an interesting person. Anyone obviously trying to get into my knickers or who is too full on in my personal space again is a no no. Does that sound too picky?
So guys don’t want to chat me up because they think I might turn them down? Well how about not being so full on and taking the time to read the signs. Don’t be so obvious then you’re not going to get turned down as you haven’t actually ‘tried’ anything, you’ve just engaged in conversation.
So what’s a guy to do?
It’s about picking your moment, if girls are deep in girlie conversation don’t go and plonk yourself down and interrupt. Wait for the right moment like when they go to the bar, or when you see a couple of girls not deep in conversation… you can tell whether conversation is deep or light-hearted from a mile off. If girls are constantly talking and there’s no going up for air then you know it’s deep.
Don’t try and have a full blown conversation in a rowdy noisy club when someone is really enjoying dancing. If a ladies dancing and enjoying herself try to dance near her but don’t get in her personal space. There is nothing more frustrating than when I am dancing to get a guy that you’ve smiled at virtually on top of you putting his busy fingers everywhere. He’ll either get a slap or I’ll just move away. I smile because I am friendly not because I want to jump someone’s bones or fancy them! They see it as a green light, but I can’t win. If I don’t smile I am rude or stuck up, but if I do I must fancy them!? So I have to avoid catching peoples eyes, which I don’t want to do. Trust me if a woman likes you if you’re hovering by she will move towards you if she likes you. But don’t try and chat her up if the music’s loud- dance for a while together and if you’re getting the signs then maybe ask her for a drink?
Once a guy came up to me and said “I just wanted to say you look absolutely beautiful tonight, and I just wanted to let you know that if you want a chat I’ll be sitting right over there.” This was perfect. I was so flattered. I knew he hadn’t been going around the bar saying it to everyone. I think it’s great to let the lady know you are interested then give her some space. As it happens I didn’t go and chat but only because my friend had just split up with her bloke, and I didn’t want to leave her, I wanted to be a supportive friend.
If you are just after a shag and moving from girl to girl then any half decent ladies won’t even give you a look in!
Ok that’s some of my tips for guys… anybody got any for me? I don’t want to have sex with random guys I just want to get chatted up by people who are genuinely interested in me and get to know them. Maybe that’s just old fashioned… well I guess I need an old fashioned guy to woo me then! Lol