Thursday, 16 October 2008

Escort blog - Getting chatted up...

I know that a few of you will be surprised but I rarely get chatted up. Some suggest I am intimidating, which is frustrating because I am very friendly.

I make a real effort when I go out, but then I don’t even get a look in. I have to say I don’t go out ‘on the pull’ but it would be nice to sometimes get chatted up.

I think men forget that us women aren’t as shallow, and assume I only want to meet attractive guys. Yes attractive men will draw my eye, but more often than not I wouldn’t touch them with a bargepole as I think many are cocky big heads and I wouldn’t trust them as far as I can throw them…. maybe that’s what guys think of me :-/

For example I went out with my sister the other week (who is absolutely gorgeous but we look nothing a like). She was very drunk but had loads of guys trying to chat her up. I was keeping an eye on her but couldn’t even get a look in. It’s quite disheartening, especially when I make such an effort.

I once chatted to a guy I really liked from my home town that I quite fancied. The first time I met him I was in jeans (as I hadn’t planned to go out) and the second time I was really dressed up, he said he preferred me in jeans… maybe I’m less intimidating in jeans?

Thing is I don’t get out much (how sad does that sound? Lol) so when I do I like to really make the effort. I don’t wear a lot of make up, but I am preened to perfection, and maybe that scares people.

The only guys that have the balls to talk to me are the drunken idiots who are looking for sex, so I turn them down and they move straight onto the next.

I really don’t care what someone looks like, old, young, fat or thin. The only thing someone has to have is personality and character and the ability to make me laugh and not be obviously drunk as that for me is one of the biggest turn offs. Another turn off is someone saying, “are you Bea?” (not appropriate!).

I am not interested in guys that are out on the pull and will make do with any bird, so I have to feel that this isn’t the case if I do get chatted up, and I also have to feel that I am fancied but that I’m seen as more than a sex object - I’m seen as an interesting person. Anyone obviously trying to get into my knickers or who is too full on in my personal space again is a no no. Does that sound too picky?

So guys don’t want to chat me up because they think I might turn them down? Well how about not being so full on and taking the time to read the signs. Don’t be so obvious then you’re not going to get turned down as you haven’t actually ‘tried’ anything, you’ve just engaged in conversation.

So what’s a guy to do?

It’s about picking your moment, if girls are deep in girlie conversation don’t go and plonk yourself down and interrupt. Wait for the right moment like when they go to the bar, or when you see a couple of girls not deep in conversation… you can tell whether conversation is deep or light-hearted from a mile off. If girls are constantly talking and there’s no going up for air then you know it’s deep.

Don’t try and have a full blown conversation in a rowdy noisy club when someone is really enjoying dancing. If a ladies dancing and enjoying herself try to dance near her but don’t get in her personal space. There is nothing more frustrating than when I am dancing to get a guy that you’ve smiled at virtually on top of you putting his busy fingers everywhere. He’ll either get a slap or I’ll just move away. I smile because I am friendly not because I want to jump someone’s bones or fancy them! They see it as a green light, but I can’t win. If I don’t smile I am rude or stuck up, but if I do I must fancy them!? So I have to avoid catching peoples eyes, which I don’t want to do. Trust me if a woman likes you if you’re hovering by she will move towards you if she likes you. But don’t try and chat her up if the music’s loud- dance for a while together and if you’re getting the signs then maybe ask her for a drink?

Once a guy came up to me and said “I just wanted to say you look absolutely beautiful tonight, and I just wanted to let you know that if you want a chat I’ll be sitting right over there.” This was perfect. I was so flattered. I knew he hadn’t been going around the bar saying it to everyone. I think it’s great to let the lady know you are interested then give her some space. As it happens I didn’t go and chat but only because my friend had just split up with her bloke, and I didn’t want to leave her, I wanted to be a supportive friend.

If you are just after a shag and moving from girl to girl then any half decent ladies won’t even give you a look in!

Ok that’s some of my tips for guys… anybody got any for me? I don’t want to have sex with random guys I just want to get chatted up by people who are genuinely interested in me and get to know them. Maybe that’s just old fashioned… well I guess I need an old fashioned guy to woo me then! Lol


Richard said...

There's a good reason why many men pay for sex. We simply don't want to have a relationship with every girl we fancy. I personally don't want to waste my time chatting up a girl, buying her drinks and then after it goes nowhere I find I've wasted £50 in one time. Its incredibly frustrating.

Anonymous said...

Excuse my American southern California venacular and honest input but...

You've hit on one reason why you don't get chatted up. Men who are looking for casual conversation and mild flirting do not approach 'hard bodies' who are dressed-to-impress, especially in pubs or other very-public venues. Try wearing something snug/form fitting but casual and you may get better responses. A nice top with a skirt, low heeled shoes. Or a belted snug sweater with slacks/jeans says more than something slinky or 'rich-looking' with high heels.

Ask your sister what her non-verbal physical cues lure in the men, besides being drunk.

My humble opinion is... don't try so hard. Don't prepare expecting results. View it as the opposite to one of your encounters. Use body language, not just stares and coy looks, to spark the interest in men. Be 70% of yourself and 20% of what kind of man you want to attract. The last 10% is the bit of mystery we should always seek to reveal slowly over the conversations.

The art of attraction is similar to a life-long 'equistrian' course full of jumps, pits, walls, mud, and water. Even when we miss-time the obsticles and fall flat on our faces, we still can enjoy learning how to do it better next time. But then again, falling into some mud with Bea would be....interesting! -)


Dolnor Numbwit
Eternal Newbie

Bea said...

These are my first comments, so I hope I'm doing this right :-/

Richard; good point, thanks for your imput :) I hear what you are saying, but I'm not wanting to get chatted up by blokes looking for sex. Saying that, I neither am looking to have a relationship with everyone I fancy, I would just like to have interesting conversations and a laugh with guys when I am out. But if they are all out on 'the pull' I guess that is why it rarely happens.

SirNoldor, thanks again for your imput; Geez I sound like a desperado! lol :) I'm not desperate to get chatted up it's just an observation and it would be nice. I think guys do see drunken girls as an easy target unfortunately, and I am told I'm quite good at keeping it together and not looking drunk when I've had a few.

It's a shame I can't just be 'me' and get it right. It's a shame I have to change and think about the way I dress and look.

I spoke to my sister last night and she says that sometimes it's the other way round and I get all the attention, which is true, but neither of us can pin point why it's particularly one of us or the other. Maybe it's to do with our moods on the night, and also maybe subconsciously one of us just takes the back seat if ones getting the attention.

I do go out to have fun with my girlfriends it's not about men, hence why I am reluctant to go out on a mission changing both my clothing and body language. It was just an observation and bit of a moan :)

I'm out next week so I'll report back!

I love analyzing peoples behaviour. Very interesting! :)

Richard said...

I understand what you mean, but there have been many times when I was having a good time with a girl and she say says: "I don't want a boyfriend" but the thing is I didn't want a girlfriend either. I need a personal connection with a woman before I end up in bed with her, but that doesn't mean I want to commit to a relationship.

Think of it on a very basic level. Despite, language, culture and art, we are all basically creatures driven by primitive biological urges. Women are the carers and mothers whilst men are the hunters. Men don't really have anything that's uniquely theirs any more; women for instance will always be the carers, mothers and child bearers but men no longer have anything they can call their own. So with nothing left for men to hunt or protect they go out 'on the pull' and hunt for women... Its in our nature to pursue women for sex, if we didn't do that then none of us would exist right now.

The thing is bea, you're a beautiful woman which is the reason why you don't get approached much. Men suffer from this deep primal fear; in the past if a man were to approach one of the few women in the tribe (potentially the only woman within hundreds of miles) and was rejected, his chances of reproducing would be over. Of course, if he also approached the wrong woman in the tribe he'd be clubbed over the head by the other males and would die.

Because you're attractive you're a high status woman and so men are afraid of approaching because if they mess up they won't have another chance or... they'll lose their social standing in the club/bar and no other woman will want them.

When it comes to sex, women have all the power and men have none.

Bea said...

Hi Richard; I totally agree with everything you've said. It's just funny how we are made so different. I love the Men are From Mars and Women are From Venus books etc... I find the psycology fascinating! XX

SirNolder; I went out in jeans the other week and still didn't get chatted up! Lol :) I give up. I had a great night though XX

Anonymous said...

I am truly sorry to hear things didn't work. I am glad you had a great time once again! -)

Well, back to the drawing board.

Perhaps your Karma is building up so that when you do get chatted up, it will be much more memorable and long lasting rather than just a quick 'event'? Quality seeks quality! Fingers crossed! -)

John said...

I'm not surprised. I think the most basic way of explaining it is this: We all have a sign that says approach or don't approach. You say to yourself I want to be approached but I don't want x kind of guy, or a guy for x kind of reason. You either want to be approached, or you don't. Next time you go out, tell yourself, feel, and believe as though you are happy for anyone to approach you, be it a drunken idiot, a casanova, Richard Gere, whatever. Body language has a lot to do with it. If sex or relationship isn't on the cards for anyone, you are going to project that signal and men won't waste their time. That doesn't mean it really has to be on the cards, you just have to project that you're up for it.

I totally disagree with what Richard said: "The thing is bea, you're a beautiful woman which is the reason why you don't get approached much."

I have stunner girl friend who can't walk down the street but she's approached by men left right and center, and she loves it, she loves the attention, she walks around looking forward to the next bloke that tries it on and so that's what they do. She desires male company, you said yourself, you don't, and there's your answer.

Richard said...

John, it doesn't apply to everyone but the fact is many men are intimidated by women. Perhaps you aren't one of them but there are some out there who'd rather remain in the corner of the nightclub than dance with a girl they find attractive. That's just how it is for some people.

John said...

Some men are intimidated by women, granted, but if you've spent any time in nightclubs you'd know that they are in a minority. Taking shy lads out of the picture wouldn't suddenly result in a shortage of men. So your argument that Bea doesn't get approached much because men are shy is quite a stupid thing to say.
On the top you talk about "A good reason why men pay for sex". Most men pay for sex because it's the only way they can get it, simple as that. You may also be surprised to find that there are just as many women out there looking for no strings sex as there are men, and most lads I know go out of a Friday night with nothing more than £20 and don't have any problem pulling. You're obviously doing something wrong.